Month: Feb 2019

In a previous post I wrote about the fact that I have been discovering new things about myself now that I’m sober. The more I learn about myself, the more I realise that the drunk version of myself (the only version of me I knew for years) was not the real me at all. Some of the things I have learnt are quite small but are still rather surprising.

Firstly, I have realised that I really don’t like taking a bath. That’s not to say I don’t wash, I still shower daily don’t worry. I used to love nothing more than running a nice hot bubble bath and spending hours unwinding. Now, I really can’t be bothered. Thing is it was just another part of my ritualistic drinking, I would always take a glass of wine (actually let’s be real, it was a whole bottle) in the bath with me to ‘sip’ on. In reality it was just me getting drunk in the bath, a place where I could be left alone for a while. I now find baths really boring and much before a nice steamy shower so that I feel refreshed.

Secondly, I keep getting really emotional about animals. I’m not sure why but I’ve just gone really weird and overly loving towards animals and I’m pretty sure it’s because when I was drunk animals always avoided me. I remember an ex boyfriend saying that I was emotionless and stone hearted, turns out I actually have a lot of love to give, my heart is no longer made of stone!

Finally, I have discovered my love of reading. I’m going to be honest here, other than academic books that I had to use whilst at university, I can’t remember the last time I read a book from start to finish. I think I might have read the first twilight book ten years ago but to be honest I probably got a chapter in and got bored. I always wanted to read more and broaden my horizens but I was always too busy being a drunk mess. When I first decided to go sober one of the first things I did was purchase a few books, I figured that reading would help occupy me of an evening. Turns out I am a big old bookworm. In the last few weeks I have read more books than I probably ever have before in the entirety of my life, including books on historical events, self help books, just anything that takes my fancy really. I’ve even made a wish list on amazon just full of books I want to purchase in the future.

If one year ago, someone would have told me that I would have enjoyed reading, been full of love, have the ability to express emotions, and not enjoy a bubble bath I’d never have believed them. But I’m quite liking this new and improved version of myself – at least this Chelsea enjoys more than just drinking!

I spent last years Super Bowl passed out drunk before the half time show.
I spent the year before that downing beers and shouting at the tv, before passing out drunk.
I spent the year before that downing beers and getting aggressive with everyone, before passing out drunk.

You see the reoccuring theme here. At the time I never saw it as a clear indicator of my ever worsening drinking habits, as far as I was concerned it was the biggest sporting event of the year – of course I was going to drink an excessive amount while I enjoyed the game.

This year is different, this year the fridge full of alcohol has been replaced with a fridge full of soft drinks. I always look forward to the Super Bowl and for once I’ll actually be able to enjoy it and remember the score by the end of the night!

If I can do this (and I will) it will be a huge milestone for me and act as further proof to myself that I definitely can do this.

Time to take a deep breath and crack open a can of coke!

Ps GO PATS

The things that you learn about yourself once you ditch the booze are outstanding and often surprising. In her book ‘The Unexpected Joy of being Sober’ Catherine Gray compares this self discovery as unearthing a hidden russian doll beneath your outer doll.

I thought I knew myself well, turns out I don’t. I know drunk Chelsea extremely well, but turns out that this is not the real me at all and every day I am discovering things about me that are often a complete parallel to who I thought I was.

Recently my sleeping pattern has natural altered, I now drift into a lovely sound sleep much earlier than I used to and, as a result, wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go much earlier than I used to. I always thought I was just not a morning person, I loved a lie in and even then I was groggy as hell before around midday. Turns out I’m actually a morning person! Who would have thought? Waking up early no longer feels like a chore, in fact I love waking up early now and have found that I am actually at most productive before midday! Even my family are shocked by how much of an early bird I’ve become.

One of the exciting things about choosing to go sober is reconnecting with yourself, I feel like I am finally beginning to get to know myself and it turns out, she’s actually a pretty decent person!