Since I last post I admittedly got a bit preoccupied with other things in life and as a result, writing and reflecting kind of got pushed to the back of my mind. So, here I am, with a well overdue update!
My last post was back in March, when I was celebrating 10 weeks of sobriety. About 2 weeks later I relapsed and things got worse before getting better. Back in April I was asked out on a date, the first date I’d been on in a long time. I was extremely excited but also overwhelmed with nervousness so I caved in and drank when we met at a bar – one glass of wine to calm my nerves quickly turned into a bottle and that was it, sobriety ruined. In that respect the date was not the greatest due to the fact that I ruined all of the hard work I’d put in, and I was doing so well. But in another respect, it was the greatest date ever as we have been together ever since and without him, I probably wouldn’t have got back on the sober wagon.
From then on I would have a gin and lemonade when we went out for dinner, or enjoy a glass of wine while we cuddled up on the sofa after work. But as all alcoholics know, drinking habits spiral out of control very quickly – I was heading towards a downward spiral – I could see it, and he could see it. So he asked me to get help and promised to support me the whole way, and with that, I agreed to go to counselling. I’d always been resistant to counselling for two reasons; 1. it would mean actually admitting the extent of my problem, and 2. I’m not very open when it comes to discussing personal matters. To be honest I should have gone years ago because it has been incredibly helpful, I don’t know what I was afraid of but just spending an hour a week talking honestly with someone is so therapeutic and has really helped me get in touch with some of the things that are going on in my brain.
So I am now just over 6 weeks sober and feeling really good about it. My partner has decided to go sober as well, he wasn’t much of a big drinker anyway but I feel he’s doing it to be supportive and to be honest it is nice to not be doing it on my own. We went out to a bar to celebrate a friends birthday the other day and the idea of having an alcoholic drink didn’t even cross my mind, partly because he wasn’t drinking either so I didn’t feel out of place sipping on a coke on my own. The support he has given me has been nothing but wonderful.
I also have a new job, a step up in my career which has given me that added motivation and drive. I am enjoying it and it is keeping me busy whilst I can focus on continuing to climb the ladder towards managing my own store.
Me and my partner have also begun the process of applying for a mortgage and are looking to relocate to the coast. To me it feels like it’s the start of a new life for me (well, us) and it can’t come quick enough.
So things are great. I wish I could say that I never relapsed and have been sober since my last post but it does go to show that as horrible as it is to feel like you’ve failed and let yourself and others down – you can pull it back, get back on the road to sobriety and make things even better and more wonderful than you thought possible!
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Sobriety and Me 