I was speaking to a friend of mine recently who has been recommended some counselling. He admitted that he is hesitant due to the negative connotations that surround it. It got me thinking about the fact that even in 2020, where issues relating to mental health are far more understood and accepted, there is still a bit of taboo regarding counselling/those who attend counselling. Unfortunately there is still, sometimes, a slight stigma attached to it and I worry that this prevents a lot of people from seeking help they need.
So, I thought I’d share my experience. I want to make it very clear that this is based on my experience only and may not be the same for everyone. By this point in the post, it should be glaringly obvious that I have attended counselling, shock horror. It was a decision that I made for myself and let me tell you now, it has changed my life.
(Side note – I live in the United Kingdom so some details may be different in regards to how you apply, seeking appointments, etc).
Taking that first step
Before we dive into it, I’ll start by telling you how I personally found a counsellor and made an appointment. A couple of years ago my GP suggested that I would benefit from some “talking therapy” and handed me a leaflet on how to apply for counselling services through the NHS. At this point in my life I was still in complete denial about needing help so I ignored it. Jump forward to early summer of last year, with the gentle prompting of my partner and support from those close to me I decided that perhaps it would be a good idea. I figured I could give it a go and see if I found it helpful. So, I applied to the nearest NHS mental health service and was told that the waiting list was currently at 18 months. Now, if you live in the UK you are entitled to free mental health services, however depending on where you live, the waiting times can be very long due to high demand. I do know some people that have managed to be seen within a couple of weeks but as I said, it is dependant on your location.
Click here to find services in your area.
This led me to do some research into the cost of private clinics to see if this would be feasible for me, what I found is that if you can afford to pay private, you will probably find a lot more options and be seen a hell of a lot quicker with prices typically ranging from £40 – £80 per hour. However, I know that unfortunately this isn’t an option for everyone. After much deliberation I decided that realistically I could afford to pay for one session per week so I found a clinic close to my home and booked my first appointment (I think the closest appointment was for the following week) through their website.
The first appointment
Before my first appointment I was nervous as hell. I am not a very open person and talking about my emotions and feelings make me extremely uncomfortable. I approached the cosy little building hidden away on the edge of town, rang the bell and waited with trepidation. I was greeted by my therapist who introduced himself, led me into a lovely cosy room and offered me a cup of tea (very British). Instantly the room itself put me at ease, it was not the sort of cold, clinical setting you imagine when you think of therapy. It was comfy and warm, candles were lit, the lighting was soft and it felt very homely. The man selected to be my therapist was also lovely, he was calm and welcoming, infact as the sessions went on it started to feel like I was just talking to a wise friend – no judgements. The first session was more of an introduction, a chance for him to tell me about himself in terms of the services he can offer and also a chance for me to explain why I had sought counselling, what I was hoping to get from it and also to ask any questions. It was made clear that I was under no obligation to commit to anything long term and was to pay for my sessions weekly. It was my choice to go and my choice when/if I wanted to stop going.
What to expect
- It is probably nothing like what you’re expecting.
To be honest, I’m not sure what I was expecting, I think I was stuck in the cliched mindset of being in a cold, white room recounting traumatic experiences whilst the therapist glared at me in silence whilst he frantically wrote notes on a clipboard. I could not have been more wrong. It was far more informal and casual than I was expecting. I felt comfortable.
- You will feel weird at first, but you’ll feel 10 million times better.
The thought of sitting in a room with a stranger and telling them your intimate thoughts and feelings is quite a strange concept really. And if you’re like me and find it extremely difficult to talk about personal things then it definitely does take some getting used to. It took me a good few sessions before I felt comfortable opening up but my therapist was kind and patient and never tried to push me before I was ready. When I was finally ready, it felt incredible. It started to just come flooding out of me and I would leave each session feeling like the biggest weight had been lifted – truly cathartic.
- You’ll start to make sense of yourself.
Therapists are like magic beings. They get you to realise things about yourself that you had never even noticed before. They have the magic ability of being able to unscramble your brain and piece it all back together in a way that makes perfect sense. Basically, what I am trying to say is they have trained for years and years in their field, they know what they’re doing and their insights allow you to understand yourself a lot better. You will find that things they say will resinate with you and you’ll start being able to unscramble your brain all by yourself. My therapist always used to say that he was simply providing me with the tools to be able to understand and help myself.
This might not be common, I really don’t know but at the end of each session my therapist would always give me a task to complete during the week. Usually it would be some sort of little worksheet or something similar but it was helpful in helping me to organise my thoughts in preparation for the next session. For example I once had to complete a list of drinking triggers, or he once got me to draw out a timeline of significant events in my life.
- You’ll be surpised how quickly an hour goes.
Sessions are typically an hour long and honestly it flies by. Once you start talking and it just starts spewing our naturally you won’t want to stop. That’s why it is a good idea to try to come up with just a couple of things you want to focus on per session, otherwise it is easy to go way off track. That being said, going off track isn’t necessarily a bad thing as sometimes this is just the way the discussion naturally goes.
- It is mentally exhausting.
Talking about trauma, emotions, feelings, tough experiences, etc is surprisingly draining. It is like opening a door that you have kept sealed shut for years and suddenly everything comes tumbling out. I was prepared for it to be mentally tough at times but I never realised how genuinely tiring it was be. Due to work, I would have my appointments of an early evening and by the time I would get home I would feel fully ready to just get into bed and sleep.
To Conclude
It is not scary, it is not weird, it is not invasive. It is freeing, it is cathartic, it is mind cleansing, it is indescribably helpful. It is the best decision I ever made and I would 100% encourage anyone to give it a go and see how much it benefits you, you would be very pleasantly surprised.
Sobriety and Me 