Month: Jul 2020

things I wish I could tell my 18 year old self

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Hello 18 year old me, I’m sure are very busy right now with college exams and crying over a boy you’ll soon forget. But here is my advice to you now that I have seen what is going to happen in your twenties!

  • Save and budget

I know you don’t have much right now, but listen… YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPEND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. Start putting a bit of money away each month and it’ll come in handy in the years to come. Sure, go out and buy that Paul’s Boutique bag you’ve had your eye on but don’t be dipping into your savings to buy pastel nike airs that you’re literally going to wear twice.

  • Start building your credit

This is really important, trust me. In your twenties you will mess up your credit score due to being an idiot and not considering the future reprecussions. You will then struggle to be accepted for a mortgage and wish you’d have thought about it sooner. Take care of your credit, check your report regularly and DO NOT do anything that results in adverse credit. Pay your bills on time, don’t take out loans you can’t repay, don’t be careless with money.

  • Don’t post your life on social media

Sometimes it is quite nice when a memory pops up on facebook but usually they just make me cringe and wish I’d never been allowed access to social media. Nobody wants to hear about how much you love your boyfriend or see your embarrassing night out photos. It is a waste of time, don’t let it consume you.

  • Stay in touch with friends and family

As you get older you will grow apart from some people. That is just a part of life and is sometimes unavoidable. But sometimes you lose touch with people for avoidable reasons and it is then quite difficult to reconnect. Don’t let people you love just slip through your fingers, make effort to meet up regularly and don’t shut yourself off when you’ll regret it later.

  • Get into some hobbies

All those things you enjoy doing, nurture them. You’re very artistic so why not join an art class. That guitar that is gathering dust in your room, learn to play it. There are so many classes and groups I’d love to join but I’ve lost a bit of motivation now and I’m not as good at things as I used to be. Also, once you start full time work it becomes harder to meet new people and can be quite lonely. Find people with common interests.

  • Travel while you can

I still intend on seeing the world. But when you have a full time job, rent to pay and are in the process of buying your first home it is a bit more difficult. Go while you have no commitments – book a flight, stay in hostels, experience the beauty of the world. Everything else can wait until you get back.

  • Focus on yourself

I know you have self esteem issues and place your value entirely on the opinions of others but let’s stop that sh*t now. That attitude plagued my early twenties and prevented me from growing and maturing. Love yourself, don’t focus on impressing and pleasing others all the time. I promise you now it will not matter in later life but the way you feel about yourself will, always.

An ode to my dearest boy

Posted on by chelseamaypage

I know it’s cliche and a bit cringe worthy to gush about your partner, but mine saved me and turned my life around so he deserves all the recognition in the world. He supported me through the worst times and never judged me. He didn’t choose to walk away when I was making a mess of both of our lives. He encouraged me to get help but never lost his temper, or got mad or lost his patience. He didn’t deserve some of the things I put him through yet he held my hand through it all and stuck by me, even when I gave him the option to leave. He dropped me to every therapy session and sat and waited in the car. He stopped drinking at home so I didn’t feel alone in doing so.

He came into my life when I most needed him and I can never thank him enough for the unconditional love he has given me and continues to give me daily.

I’m not sure I believe in fate or any of that, but if there is any truth to it, then he is proof of that.

Soppy moment over!

Managing the all consuming cravings

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Ugh… the vicious urge to drink is such a mentally draining battle when going through the early stages of sobriety. Despite how well I was doing, persistent cravings were taking over my brain and I found them really hard to shut down.

If this is something that you are currently having a tough time dealing with then here are a few things that helped me.

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling
Accept the fact that your body and brain are telling you that you need a drink. Don’t try to ignore it as this will simply make those craving fiercer and even more persistent. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, to think what you are thinking and understand that it is all part of the process of going sober.

2. End the conversation
Now, there is a fine line between acknowledging cravings and giving in to them. Unfortunately your brain is going to try all sorts of tactics to trick you and manipulate you into reaching for the bottle so your job is to not be fooled or persuaded. The way I found helpful was to take away the option in order to shut down the possibility of drinking and avoid getting into a whole debate with myself. If I even mildly entertained the thought of drinking then I was allowing myself to be persuaded, my brain would go into overdrive listing all the reasons why it would be a good idea. However, if I took away the option by telling myself that having a drink was not going to happen under any circumstance and was not up for debate then I saved myself the headache of going back and forth with myself, weighing up the pros and cons. It was a firm no, end of discussion.

3. Play out the scenarios
My personal favourite and in my opinion, the most effective tactic. When you’re sitting there, listing the pros and cons in your head, wondering whether it would really be all that bad if you gave in and just had one bottle, stop for a second and play out the scenes in your head. How the night will play out if you don’t drink versus how the night will play out if you do drink.

Mine would usually be something like this:

“If I don’t drink tonight I will make dinner, sit and read a few chapters of a book, get an early night and have a decent nights sleep”

or

“If I do drink tonight I will be wasted by 10pm, I will probably be up until 3am drunk texting my ex and embarrassing myself and will wake up feeling awful in the morning”

Pretty easy to make a choice when you look at it like that!

4. Get physical
Time to get your heart pumping, your body moving and a bit of fresh air in your lungs. Exercise releases endorphins which trigger positive feeling in the body whilst also reducing stress hormones. Even just going for a brisk walk will help clear your head and allow you to tackle your cravings with a fresh and more relaxed perspective. It is actually incredible when you look at the healing nature of exercise and it’s link to improving mental health. Just avoid jogging in the direction of any liquor stores if you’re feeling a bit tempted.

5. Do anything
The aim here is to acknowledge that yes you are massively craving an alcoholic drink, whilst also occupying yourself enough to not engage with these thoughts and temptations. Clean the house, play a game on your phone, walk the dog… anything, absolutely anything to keep yourself busy. There are a lot of very good apps that have mini brain teasers and puzzles for when you are experiencing a craving and need to focus on something else.

6. Let it pass like a wave
Cravings are like a wave on the ocean. Sometimes they are aggressive and enough to sweep you off your feet, but they always pass. They come, they go. You just need to be prepared to ride it out.

7. Take yourself out of high risk situations
It is hugely important to know your triggers and be able to identify when you are feeling uncomfortable. If you are at a bar and feeling like the temptation to drink is becoming overwhelming then just leave. Remove yourself from the situation. If you are uncomfortable having alcohol in your home then do not allow alcohol in your home. If you are at a party and having a hard time remaining sober, leave the party. Nobody will care and protecting yourself is more important.

8. Talk to someone
Perhaps you have a family member who always knows how to cheer you up. Perhaps you have a friend who gives great advice. Perhaps you know people from support groups who are going through the same thing as you. Regardless of who it is, talking is highly therapeutic and having a support network is an invaluable resource, especially in the early stages of sobriety. You might want to talk openly about your struggles and get it off your chest, or you might just want to take your mind off things by having a good old chin wag with a friend. Whatever suits you, just know that you don’t have to suffer in silence, people love to talk and will be happy to help you out in anyway they can.

 

Overtime, your cravings will become less frequent and less tenacious… I promise. Just hang in there and keep going!

 

 

Cool stuff that happens when you go sober

Posted on by chelseamaypage

As I fast approach my 11 month soberversary I’ve been thinking about some of the positives that I have noticed (and that other people have noticed). It goes without saying that everyone is different and my experiences many differ from yours but here are a few that have popped into my head.

 

  1. You will sleep like a newborn baby.

I have gone on about this so many times but it is simply glorious. You don’t sleep well when you’re drinking – not really, sure you pass out from one too many glasses of wine and snore like a beast but it’s not the type of restful sleep that you get when you’re sober. I now naturally am ready for bed at a reasonable time and I fall into a lovely deep sleep. I also don’t need to wake up 4000 times in the night for a glass of water or to pee, so I typically sleep through the night and wake up feeling well rested. I never truly appreciated how wonderful a good nights sleep is until I got sober.

2. Your skin and hair will thank you.

We all know that alcohol is extremely bad for your health, we know that it ruins our insides. Yet a lot of us neglect to consider the extent to which is also reeks havoc on us externally. I can’t lie – I’ve never been blessed with good skin, HOWEVER what I hadn’t realised was just how much of this was caused by the obscene amount of alcohol I was putting into my body. When I look at photos from a couple of years ago it is terrifying, my skin looked completely drained, my under eyes were dark, sunken pits surrounded by an otherwise grey complexion. Then I started to suffer from major hair breakage. I’m talking whole chunks of hair just snapping off which left me with a bald patch in place of what was once a full, healthy looking fringe.

Now realistically I will probably never have great skin, but oh my lord it is a hell of a lot better, I may be a bit spotty sometimes but at least I look healthy. I mean I’m still a pale, porcelain doll but that’s fine, I can actually look in the mirror when I’m fresh out of the shower and sometimes I am quite happy with what I see.

3. You’ll get a better appetite and appreciation for tasty food.

How tasty is food though? Wow! When I was drinking I was getting all of my calories from wine so I never really had much of an appetite. I enjoy food now, I feel like it tastes so much better and I am able to finish a full meal. I even have a bit of a sweet tooth now which is something I never had, as again, I was getting all of my sugar from wine. Crazy stuff.

4. People will notice – and compliment you.

This has been something that I wasn’t really expecting but it has been lovely. In the first few months of sobriety I had so many people comment on how healthy I was looking and how happy I seemed. I’m not very good at taking compliments but it did lift my spirits when I was having an off day or not feeling too great.

5. You’ll be productive.

Who knew there were so many hours in the day?! It’s mind blowing how much you can get done when you’re not drunk, or hungover, or thinking about drinking. I find that nowadays I am most productive of a morning and still surprise myself by how much I get done before midday, whereas before I’d still be dragging my hungover body around well into the early afternoon.

The lack of hangovers combined with great sleep have also meant that I have become an early riser so I am able to make the most out of the day. The sense of achievement and knowing that I’ve used my time well is truly a wonderful feeling.

6. You’ll surprise yourself.

In my 29 years of life I never knew I was a morning person, I never knew I enjoyed quiet time, I never knew that I was the outdoorsy type, I never knew that I was a homebody. In fact if someone a couple of years ago was to tell me that I would be choosing to spend my free time going on hikes and then settling down with a book and a coffee, well, I would never have believed it.

I didn’t know myself when I was drinking, I only knew drunk Chelsea and that person was not me at all. I am discovering new things about myself, new interests, new personality traits that I hadn’t seen before, and it is exciting. I am liking the real Chelsea.

7. Your motivation levels will skyrocket.

Drunk Chelsea had no motivation at all (other than to drink and purchase more wine). I was stuck in the same position, doing the same job day in day out with no intention of bettering myself or wanting better for myself. I was defeated and had no fight in me.

Jump forward to the present, I have a good job but am constantly striving to do better, to improve myself and really push for the life I want. It’s like a fire has been lit within me and I am eager to get what I want. I no longer feel like I am doing things purely because I am being made to or told to, I am doing things because I want to. My desire for a beautiful and happy future is my motivation now and I am full of energy and willingness. Bring it on.

8. You’ll stop stalking your ex (maybe).

Maybe, possibly…

9. You’ll know your worth.

I felt like a deflated balloon when I was drinking, I had given up on myself. I didn’t look after myself and definitely had stopped caring about myself. It’s very sad really. I didn’t deserve the harm I was doing to myself. Yet alcohol has a way of doing that, your need to keep returning to the bottle fills you with guilt which over time manifests itself as self-hate and disgust. But it’s not real, those feelings are there because of the alcohol and you are worth so much more than the alcohol would have you believe.

Slowly overtime I have started to see that. It has not been easy and it has not been instantaneous but I’m getting there. I have started to realise that I am not worthless, or a lost cause, or any of those mean things I used to tell myself. I am a good person, I deserve to be happy and am worth a lot more than a life of binge drinking and misery. I am learning to be kind to myself and I’m getting better at it every day.

10. You will be happy.

Honestly, struggling with addiction is terrifying and choosing to change your life and kick a habit is difficult and draining. But, it is so worth it. Mentally I am in such a better place that I was a year ago and I can honestly say that I am finally happy. That’s not to say that life is exclusively rainbows and butterflies now, obviously I still have crappy days and bad things still happen but that is just life unfortunately.

I am happy, I am well and I am safe. What more matters?

Things that make me happy

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Today I am focusing on happiness and gratitude.

Things that make me happy (in no particular order)

  • Cats, their soft fur, their little beans toes, their soothing purrs.
  • Finding a really good show on netflix (at the minute I am binging ‘below deck’)
  • The excitement of starting a new book
  • Sipping on a hot drink whilst sitting in bed of an evening
  • Fresh bedsheets
  • Going on a long walk when the sun is shining
  • Experiencing a good hair/make up day
  • Babies… I just adore babies
  • Getting my nails done and feeling sassy and fierce
  • Mini golf
  • Delicious pizza
  • When family decide to visit
  • The beach
  • Freshly shaved/moisturized legs and silk pjs
  • Museums
  • A soak in the bath with the perfect spotify playlist
  • Starting the day with a freshly brewed vanilla latte
  • Enjoying a non-alcoholic drink with friends in a beer garden
  • Halloumi
  • Animals, all animals, every animal

 

how to tell people you’ve decided to stop drinking

Posted on by chelseamaypage

“What if people think I’m boring now?”

A reoccurring fear that people seem to have when deciding to go sober is being judged by others. As human beings, the way others perceive us can massively influence our decisions and actions – so understandably, we worry about how people are going to react to this change. We keep ourselves up at night wondering whether they will still want to hang out with a sober person, whether they will respond with judgment or whether we will have to justify ourselves to appease others.

But worry no more, I have come up with some excellent ways on how you can tell people you’ve decided to stop drinking and not have to turn it into a whole drama.

Do you even need to say anything?

Firstly, do you even want to/need to tell people that you’ve stopped drinking? Loads of people in my life don’t even realise that I’m sober purely because it hasn’t ever come up in conversation. My family and some friends are aware of this but it’s never really been something that I’ve felt the need to explain to my coworkers or second cousins. What I’m saying is obviously it makes sense to tell those closest to you as it’s nice to have support and what not, but you don’t need to hold a conference call or start telling the milkman.

Spill the beans?

Once you’ve decided who you want to tell, the next step is deciding how honest or vague you want to be. Naturally there are going to be some people in you life who will be absolutely flabbergasted over the fact that you’re drinking a lemonade rather than a glass of wine and will ask you why. How you respond is entirely up to you. You don’t owe anyone your life story. If I’m not in the mood to be interrogated I normally just give a “I just don’t drink” and leave it at that. Move on. Most people won’t push it any further but if they do then they’re far too nosy and need to learn some manners.

The lies, the never ending lies

A tactic that some people find useful is to tell a little white lie in order to explain their sobriety on a night out, e.g “oh I’m not drinking tonight because I have to be up early tomorrow”. I personally don’t find this very helpful in reality as by deflecting the seriousness of your need to stay sober, you’re far more likely to have people trying to change your mind or pressure you into having “just a couple” of drinks.

Take this scenario for example –
You: “Oh I’m not drinking tonight as I have to be up early in the morning”
Them: “So? A couple won’t hurt you. You only live once, blah blah blah”
Then you’ve got to spend the rest of the night trying to stick to your guns while your friends try to feed you booze and call you boring. Maybe. Maybe you have nicer friends than that I don’t know.

I have also heard people pretending that they’re on antibiotics/medication and therefore can’t drink but surely you can’t use that excuse forever or people are going to start worrying that you’re seriously ill.

Keep it short and sweet.

So, here is the approach I take. I hit them with a bit of brutal honesty whilst also keeping it short and to the point. That way I am acknowledging my desire to stay sober without opening myself up to further discussion or attempted persuasion.

“I don’t drink anymore because I ruined my own life” – true.

“I don’t drink anymore because I always take it too far and mess myself up” – true.

“I’m an all or nothing sort of person, I can’t just enjoy one glass of wine without going off the rails so I’m choosing to stay sober” – true.

“I’m a horrible person when I drink” – true.

To conclude

How you choose to people is entirely up to you, don’t let anyone push you to a point where you feel uncomfortable and don’t ever feel like you need to justify yourself. Choosing to go sober is brave and something you should be proud of. Most people will understand that, in fact a lot of people will find it admirable… and for those who don’t, forget them. Don’t let the opinion of others damage your commitment and strength.

Keep going.