This week I have been feeling somewhat lonely. The reality of being friendless has hit me suddenly out of nowhere. Perhaps I never really paid much attention to it before as I was focusing all of my time and energy on my recovery but truth is, I have no friends.
It is easy to understand why. When I was drinking I pushed absolutely everyone away, I ghosted by friends, I shut out my family and just wanted to be left alone to drink myself into oblivion and wallow in my own self pity. Then when I began my journey of recovery I wanted to do it solo, I wanted to focus on me and didn’t have the energy to put into anything else as I needed to rebuild my life. Eventually people stopped reaching out which is completely understandable and entirely justified.
I was happy, I was happy to spend time by myself. I got a new job, met my partner, started looking for a house – but I made no time for other people. Then the pandemic hit and lockdown measures resulted in further isolation.
I suppose it has started to bother me recently as whilst starting to plan our wedding I suddenly realised that I have no one to invite, no one to ask to be a bridesmaid and no one to come on a hen do. It has made me feel a bit embarrassed really as my entire wedding guest list is going to be made up of everyone from the grooms side as I have no one to share the special moment with.
I am proud of where I am in life now but I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in a similar situation?
Sobriety and Me 