Should you quit drinking?

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Spotting the signs.
Five red flag indicators that you probably have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

  1. You plan around when you can drink
    An old friend invites you out for coffee and your first thought is to suggest meeting at a pub instead. You go see a movie and select a cinema that is next door to a bar so you can suggest going for drinks afterwards. You go to visit family and spend the whole time watching the clock so you can get home and crack open the wine in the fridge. You turn down plans if you know the chances of drinking will be slim, e.g. no I will not go on a hike with my father as that would be a whole day without even passing a liquor store, I will however, attend the baptism of a random coworkers new born as I’m sure there will be champagne afterwards.
  2. You know what alcohol is around you at all times
    When I was in the depths of addiction my brain became a running inventory of what forms of booze were within a 20 foot radius of me at any given time. I could walk into a room and would instantly clock every bottle and the exact amounts in each bottle. I kept a tab of how much people had drank versus how much was left. It is sad but in a room full of people my eyes would begin searching for bottles before I even acknowledged the people around me.
  3. You lie about it
    When it got bad, I lied about it completely. I would drink a whole bottle of wine in secret and then stash the empty bottle and keep quiet. But even before that I always down played my drinking. If I’d drank 5 glasses of wine I’d say I’d had 2 – I always knocked a couple off the actual number as deep down I knew it was excessive.
  4. You panic if you run out
    Okay this is when I should have realised that I had a problem. I always had to have a constant supply of alcohol, even if I wasn’t drinking it at that moment. I would just panic at the thought of not having any in my possession. I could have half a bottle of wine and start stressing about going out to get more. I could have 3 bottles in the fridge and already be contemplating exactly how long that would last and exactly how many glasses I could have before I’d have to go out for more just to keep the supply topped up. I would obsess over it and it was exhausting.
  5. You’re a secret drinker
    I used to drink socially until people began making comments about how much I was drinking, then I just started doing it in secret. Slipping away for a few gulps from a stashed bottle of vodka. Waiting for people to go to bed so I could whip out my secret supply. I was hiding alcohol and I was drinking it in secret because I knew it was a problem.

Bonus – you’re reading this
Let’s be honest, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t already have that slight concern. For me, I knew I had a problem but sometimes we just need our concerns validating.

And if you are reading this and you think that you may perhaps have a drinking problem, now is the time to tackle it. Don’t be like me and let it ruin your life. Good luck and stay strong šŸ™‚ xxxxxxxx

hello 2021

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Phew, what a year it has been! Tough, stressful, anxiety inducing and at times, confusing. I entered 2020 just 3 months sober and to be quite honest I am absolutely amazed (and massively proud) that I managed to survive the year without picking up the bottle. I have never experienced so much stress in my life, yet I stayed sober. I have never experienced so much anxiety in my life, yet I stayed sober. I had days where I came home from work and would have loved nothing more than to drown my sorrows and numb my mind with a bottle of wine, yet I didn’t.

I am entering 2021 476 days sober, the longest I’ve gone since I first picked up the bottle at the tender age of 14. I am doing it.

Never lose hope, never give in, never throw in the towel.

Happy 2021! xxxxxx

I turned 30 and became a wife to be!

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Life update: I am a few days away from being 13 months sober. I feel wonderful.

Two years ago I was a mess, mentally and physically.

One year ago I was just beginning my journey down sobriety lane.

This year I celebrated my 30th birthday when in all honesty I doubted Iā€™d live to see my 30th birthday. And on top of that, my partner who has stood by me through all of this asked me to be his wife!

Never give up, never stop trying to live the life you want to live because this time 2 years ago I never would have believed that my life would be this wonderful.

xxxxxxx

2019 v 2020

Posted on by chelseamaypage

The difference a year makes.

14th September 2019 was awful. What should have been a beautiful day was once again ruined by my drinking. I attended a wedding at an utterly stunning venue, yet there I was getting ready with a glass of champagne in my hand. By the time the bride and groom said their vows I was already half cut. By the time we sat down for dinner I was unsteady on my feet.

I was so drunk that I had to go for a nap after dinner, I woke up later on, wandered down to the party and carried on drinking. The entire night is a blur.

It is a horrible memory for me, but it was the wake up call I needed. I decided that enough was enough and I had to stop… and I did. I have not drank since. One whole year of no alcohol and it feels wonderful.

Time really does fly when you’re enjoying it rather than drinking your life away!

Is there ever a right time to quit drinking?

Posted on by chelseamaypage

No. There is no such thing as the right time to stop drinking and if you keep waiting for that special day to come, well, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life.

You tell yourself “well I can’t start next week because it’s Sandra’s birthday so that’ll be too hard, but then the week after it’s Mabel and Steven’s wedding so obviously I can’t do it then so maybe the week after”. Then the week after Debbie invites you out for cocktails and then obviously you can’t start day 1 in the middle of the week so you might as well try again next Monday. So on and so on. You are trapped in an infinite loop of excuses and I hate to break it to you, but there are always going to be birthdays, and weddings, and date nights, and special events.

My first sober day was 6 days before my birthday. I could have used that as a reason to postpone my sobriety in order to have one last hurrah – but that would have been 6 days wasted.

If you are reading this right now because you are looking for an answer to the question at hand, then here is your answer. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the right time to stop drinking. If you’re at that point and know you want to go alcohol free but just can’t seem to find the right time, well, there’s no time like the present. Don’t waste another day.

things I wish I could tell my 18 year old self

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Hello 18 year old me, I’m sure are very busy right now with college exams and crying over a boy you’ll soon forget. But here is my advice to you now that I have seen what is going to happen in your twenties!

  • Save and budget

I know you don’t have much right now, but listen… YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPEND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. Start putting a bit of money away each month and it’ll come in handy in the years to come. Sure, go out and buy that Paul’s Boutique bag you’ve had your eye on but don’t be dipping into your savings to buy pastel nike airs that you’re literally going to wear twice.

  • Start building your credit

This is really important, trust me. In your twenties you will mess up your credit score due to being an idiot and not considering the future reprecussions. You will then struggle to be accepted for a mortgage and wish you’d have thought about it sooner. Take care of your credit, check your report regularly and DO NOT do anything that results in adverse credit. Pay your bills on time, don’t take out loans you can’t repay, don’t be careless with money.

  • Don’t post your life on social media

Sometimes it is quite nice when a memory pops up on facebook but usually they just make me cringe and wish I’d never been allowed access to social media. Nobody wants to hear about how much you love your boyfriend or see your embarrassing night out photos. It is a waste of time, don’t let it consume you.

  • Stay in touch with friends and family

As you get older you will grow apart from some people. That is just a part of life and is sometimes unavoidable. But sometimes you lose touch with people for avoidable reasons and it is then quite difficult to reconnect. Don’t let people you love just slip through your fingers, make effort to meet up regularly and don’t shut yourself off when you’ll regret it later.

  • Get into some hobbies

All those things you enjoy doing, nurture them. You’re very artistic so why not join an art class. That guitar that is gathering dust in your room, learn to play it. There are so many classes and groups I’d love to join but I’ve lost a bit of motivation now and I’m not as good at things as I used to be. Also, once you start full time work it becomes harder to meet new people and can be quite lonely. Find people with common interests.

  • Travel while you can

I still intend on seeing the world. But when you have a full time job, rent to pay and are in the process of buying your first home it is a bit more difficult. Go while you have no commitments – book a flight, stay in hostels, experience the beauty of the world. Everything else can wait until you get back.

  • Focus on yourself

I know you have self esteem issues and place your value entirely on the opinions of others but let’s stop that sh*t now. That attitude plagued my early twenties and prevented me from growing and maturing. Love yourself, don’t focus on impressing and pleasing others all the time. I promise you now it will not matter in later life but the way you feel about yourself will, always.

An ode to my dearest boy

Posted on by chelseamaypage

I know it’s cliche and a bit cringe worthy to gush about your partner, but mine saved me and turned my life around so he deserves all the recognition in the world. He supported me through the worst times and never judged me. He didn’t choose to walk away when I was making a mess of both of our lives. He encouraged me to get help but never lost his temper, or got mad or lost his patience. He didn’t deserve some of the things I put him through yet he held my hand through it all and stuck by me, even when I gave him the option to leave. He dropped me to every therapy session and sat and waited in the car. He stopped drinking at home so I didn’t feel alone in doing so.

He came into my life when I most needed him and I can never thank him enough for the unconditional love he has given me and continues to give me daily.

I’m not sure I believe in fate or any of that, but if there is any truth to it, then he is proof of that.

Soppy moment over!

Managing the all consuming cravings

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Ugh… the vicious urge to drink is such a mentally draining battle when going through the early stages of sobriety. Despite how well I was doing, persistent cravings were taking over my brain and I found them really hard to shut down.

If this is something that you are currently having a tough time dealing with then here are a few things that helped me.

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling
Accept the fact that your body and brain are telling you that you need a drink. Don’t try to ignore it as this will simply make those craving fiercer and even more persistent. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, to think what you are thinking and understand that it is all part of the process of going sober.

2. End the conversation
Now, there is a fine line between acknowledging cravings and giving in to them. Unfortunately your brain is going to try all sorts of tactics to trick you and manipulate you into reaching for the bottle so your job is to not be fooled or persuaded. The way I found helpful was to take away the option in order to shut down the possibility of drinking and avoid getting into a whole debate with myself. If I even mildly entertained the thought of drinking then I was allowing myself to be persuaded, my brain would go into overdrive listing all the reasons why it would be a good idea. However, if I took away the option by telling myself that having a drink was not going to happen under any circumstance and was not up for debate then I saved myself the headache of going back and forth with myself, weighing up the pros and cons. It was a firm no, end of discussion.

3. Play out the scenarios
My personal favourite and in my opinion, the most effective tactic. When you’re sitting there, listing the pros and cons in your head, wondering whether it would really be all that bad if you gave in and just had one bottle, stop for a second and play out the scenes in your head. How the night will play out if you don’t drink versus how the night will play out if you do drink.

Mine would usually be something like this:

“If I don’t drink tonight I will make dinner, sit and read a few chapters of a book, get an early night and have a decent nights sleep”

or

“If I do drink tonight I will be wasted by 10pm, I will probably be up until 3am drunk texting my ex and embarrassing myself and will wake up feeling awful in the morning”

Pretty easy to make a choice when you look at it like that!

4. Get physical
Time to get your heart pumping, your body moving and a bit of fresh air in your lungs. Exercise releases endorphins which trigger positive feeling in the body whilst also reducing stress hormones. Even just going for a brisk walk will help clear your head and allow you to tackle your cravings with a fresh and more relaxed perspective. It is actually incredible when you look at the healing nature of exercise and it’s link to improving mental health. Just avoid jogging in the direction of any liquor stores if you’re feeling a bit tempted.

5. Do anything
The aim here is to acknowledge that yes you are massively craving an alcoholic drink, whilst also occupying yourself enough to not engage with these thoughts and temptations. Clean the house, play a game on your phone, walk the dog… anything, absolutely anything to keep yourself busy. There are a lot of very good apps that have mini brain teasers and puzzles for when you are experiencing a craving and need to focus on something else.

6. Let it pass like a wave
Cravings are like a wave on the ocean. Sometimes they are aggressive and enough to sweep you off your feet, but they always pass. They come, they go. You just need to be prepared to ride it out.

7. Take yourself out of high risk situations
It is hugely important to know your triggers and be able to identify when you are feeling uncomfortable. If you are at a bar and feeling like the temptation to drink is becoming overwhelming then just leave. Remove yourself from the situation. If you are uncomfortable having alcohol in your home then do not allow alcohol in your home. If you are at a party and having a hard time remaining sober, leave the party. Nobody will care and protecting yourself is more important.

8. Talk to someone
Perhaps you have a family member who always knows how to cheer you up. Perhaps you have a friend who gives great advice. Perhaps you know people from support groups who are going through the same thing as you. Regardless of who it is, talking is highly therapeutic and having a support network is an invaluable resource, especially in the early stages of sobriety. You might want to talk openly about your struggles and get it off your chest, or you might just want to take your mind off things by having a good old chin wag with a friend. Whatever suits you, just know that you don’t have to suffer in silence, people love to talk and will be happy to help you out in anyway they can.

 

Overtime, your cravings will become less frequent and less tenacious… I promise. Just hang in there and keep going!