Cool stuff that happens when you go sober

Posted on by chelseamaypage

As I fast approach my 11 month soberversary I’ve been thinking about some of the positives that I have noticed (and that other people have noticed). It goes without saying that everyone is different and my experiences many differ from yours but here are a few that have popped into my head.

 

  1. You will sleep like a newborn baby.

I have gone on about this so many times but it is simply glorious. You don’t sleep well when you’re drinking – not really, sure you pass out from one too many glasses of wine and snore like a beast but it’s not the type of restful sleep that you get when you’re sober. I now naturally am ready for bed at a reasonable time and I fall into a lovely deep sleep. I also don’t need to wake up 4000 times in the night for a glass of water or to pee, so I typically sleep through the night and wake up feeling well rested. I never truly appreciated how wonderful a good nights sleep is until I got sober.

2. Your skin and hair will thank you.

We all know that alcohol is extremely bad for your health, we know that it ruins our insides. Yet a lot of us neglect to consider the extent to which is also reeks havoc on us externally. I can’t lie – I’ve never been blessed with good skin, HOWEVER what I hadn’t realised was just how much of this was caused by the obscene amount of alcohol I was putting into my body. When I look at photos from a couple of years ago it is terrifying, my skin looked completely drained, my under eyes were dark, sunken pits surrounded by an otherwise grey complexion. Then I started to suffer from major hair breakage. I’m talking whole chunks of hair just snapping off which left me with a bald patch in place of what was once a full, healthy looking fringe.

Now realistically I will probably never have great skin, but oh my lord it is a hell of a lot better, I may be a bit spotty sometimes but at least I look healthy. I mean I’m still a pale, porcelain doll but that’s fine, I can actually look in the mirror when I’m fresh out of the shower and sometimes I am quite happy with what I see.

3. You’ll get a better appetite and appreciation for tasty food.

How tasty is food though? Wow! When I was drinking I was getting all of my calories from wine so I never really had much of an appetite. I enjoy food now, I feel like it tastes so much better and I am able to finish a full meal. I even have a bit of a sweet tooth now which is something I never had, as again, I was getting all of my sugar from wine. Crazy stuff.

4. People will notice – and compliment you.

This has been something that I wasn’t really expecting but it has been lovely. In the first few months of sobriety I had so many people comment on how healthy I was looking and how happy I seemed. I’m not very good at taking compliments but it did lift my spirits when I was having an off day or not feeling too great.

5. You’ll be productive.

Who knew there were so many hours in the day?! It’s mind blowing how much you can get done when you’re not drunk, or hungover, or thinking about drinking. I find that nowadays I am most productive of a morning and still surprise myself by how much I get done before midday, whereas before I’d still be dragging my hungover body around well into the early afternoon.

The lack of hangovers combined with great sleep have also meant that I have become an early riser so I am able to make the most out of the day. The sense of achievement and knowing that I’ve used my time well is truly a wonderful feeling.

6. You’ll surprise yourself.

In my 29 years of life I never knew I was a morning person, I never knew I enjoyed quiet time, I never knew that I was the outdoorsy type, I never knew that I was a homebody. In fact if someone a couple of years ago was to tell me that I would be choosing to spend my free time going on hikes and then settling down with a book and a coffee, well, I would never have believed it.

I didn’t know myself when I was drinking, I only knew drunk Chelsea and that person was not me at all. I am discovering new things about myself, new interests, new personality traits that I hadn’t seen before, and it is exciting. I am liking the real Chelsea.

7. Your motivation levels will skyrocket.

Drunk Chelsea had no motivation at all (other than to drink and purchase more wine). I was stuck in the same position, doing the same job day in day out with no intention of bettering myself or wanting better for myself. I was defeated and had no fight in me.

Jump forward to the present, I have a good job but am constantly striving to do better, to improve myself and really push for the life I want. It’s like a fire has been lit within me and I am eager to get what I want. I no longer feel like I am doing things purely because I am being made to or told to, I am doing things because I want to. My desire for a beautiful and happy future is my motivation now and I am full of energy and willingness. Bring it on.

8. You’ll stop stalking your ex (maybe).

Maybe, possibly…

9. You’ll know your worth.

I felt like a deflated balloon when I was drinking, I had given up on myself. I didn’t look after myself and definitely had stopped caring about myself. It’s very sad really. I didn’t deserve the harm I was doing to myself. Yet alcohol has a way of doing that, your need to keep returning to the bottle fills you with guilt which over time manifests itself as self-hate and disgust. But it’s not real, those feelings are there because of the alcohol and you are worth so much more than the alcohol would have you believe.

Slowly overtime I have started to see that. It has not been easy and it has not been instantaneous but I’m getting there. I have started to realise that I am not worthless, or a lost cause, or any of those mean things I used to tell myself. I am a good person, I deserve to be happy and am worth a lot more than a life of binge drinking and misery. I am learning to be kind to myself and I’m getting better at it every day.

10. You will be happy.

Honestly, struggling with addiction is terrifying and choosing to change your life and kick a habit is difficult and draining. But, it is so worth it. Mentally I am in such a better place that I was a year ago and I can honestly say that I am finally happy. That’s not to say that life is exclusively rainbows and butterflies now, obviously I still have crappy days and bad things still happen but that is just life unfortunately.

I am happy, I am well and I am safe. What more matters?

Things that make me happy

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Today I am focusing on happiness and gratitude.

Things that make me happy (in no particular order)

  • Cats, their soft fur, their little beans toes, their soothing purrs.
  • Finding a really good show on netflix (at the minute I am binging ‘below deck’)
  • The excitement of starting a new book
  • Sipping on a hot drink whilst sitting in bed of an evening
  • Fresh bedsheets
  • Going on a long walk when the sun is shining
  • Experiencing a good hair/make up day
  • Babies… I just adore babies
  • Getting my nails done and feeling sassy and fierce
  • Mini golf
  • Delicious pizza
  • When family decide to visit
  • The beach
  • Freshly shaved/moisturized legs and silk pjs
  • Museums
  • A soak in the bath with the perfect spotify playlist
  • Starting the day with a freshly brewed vanilla latte
  • Enjoying a non-alcoholic drink with friends in a beer garden
  • Halloumi
  • Animals, all animals, every animal

 

how to tell people you’ve decided to stop drinking

Posted on by chelseamaypage

“What if people think I’m boring now?”

A reoccurring fear that people seem to have when deciding to go sober is being judged by others. As human beings, the way others perceive us can massively influence our decisions and actions – so understandably, we worry about how people are going to react to this change. We keep ourselves up at night wondering whether they will still want to hang out with a sober person, whether they will respond with judgment or whether we will have to justify ourselves to appease others.

But worry no more, I have come up with some excellent ways on how you can tell people you’ve decided to stop drinking and not have to turn it into a whole drama.

Do you even need to say anything?

Firstly, do you even want to/need to tell people that you’ve stopped drinking? Loads of people in my life don’t even realise that I’m sober purely because it hasn’t ever come up in conversation. My family and some friends are aware of this but it’s never really been something that I’ve felt the need to explain to my coworkers or second cousins. What I’m saying is obviously it makes sense to tell those closest to you as it’s nice to have support and what not, but you don’t need to hold a conference call or start telling the milkman.

Spill the beans?

Once you’ve decided who you want to tell, the next step is deciding how honest or vague you want to be. Naturally there are going to be some people in you life who will be absolutely flabbergasted over the fact that you’re drinking a lemonade rather than a glass of wine and will ask you why. How you respond is entirely up to you. You don’t owe anyone your life story. If I’m not in the mood to be interrogated I normally just give a “I just don’t drink” and leave it at that. Move on. Most people won’t push it any further but if they do then they’re far too nosy and need to learn some manners.

The lies, the never ending lies

A tactic that some people find useful is to tell a little white lie in order to explain their sobriety on a night out, e.g “oh I’m not drinking tonight because I have to be up early tomorrow”. I personally don’t find this very helpful in reality as by deflecting the seriousness of your need to stay sober, you’re far more likely to have people trying to change your mind or pressure you into having “just a couple” of drinks.

Take this scenario for example –
You: “Oh I’m not drinking tonight as I have to be up early in the morning”
Them: “So? A couple won’t hurt you. You only live once, blah blah blah”
Then you’ve got to spend the rest of the night trying to stick to your guns while your friends try to feed you booze and call you boring. Maybe. Maybe you have nicer friends than that I don’t know.

I have also heard people pretending that they’re on antibiotics/medication and therefore can’t drink but surely you can’t use that excuse forever or people are going to start worrying that you’re seriously ill.

Keep it short and sweet.

So, here is the approach I take. I hit them with a bit of brutal honesty whilst also keeping it short and to the point. That way I am acknowledging my desire to stay sober without opening myself up to further discussion or attempted persuasion.

“I don’t drink anymore because I ruined my own life” – true.

“I don’t drink anymore because I always take it too far and mess myself up” – true.

“I’m an all or nothing sort of person, I can’t just enjoy one glass of wine without going off the rails so I’m choosing to stay sober” – true.

“I’m a horrible person when I drink” – true.

To conclude

How you choose to people is entirely up to you, don’t let anyone push you to a point where you feel uncomfortable and don’t ever feel like you need to justify yourself. Choosing to go sober is brave and something you should be proud of. Most people will understand that, in fact a lot of people will find it admirable… and for those who don’t, forget them. Don’t let the opinion of others damage your commitment and strength.

Keep going.

 

I am happy, I am thankful.

Posted on by chelseamaypage

I have had a beautiful, yet entirely simple week. I have de-stressed and allowed myself time to recharge. I have enjoyed the beauty of nature and been soothed by the sounds of flowing rivers and birds singing. I have felt the warmth of the sun on my skin and the grass beneath my feet. I’ve picnicked next to peacocks and watched goats grazing. I’ve cycled for hours embracing having the time and freedom to do so. I’ve sat with my love and spoke for hours about anything and everything. I’ve spent cosy nights being introduced to classic movies whilst listening to heavy rain melodically tap on the window.

I have felt loved, connected and content.

I have been sober.

What to expect from counselling.

Posted on by chelseamaypage

I was speaking to a friend of mine recently who has been recommended some counselling. He admitted that he is hesitant due to the negative connotations that surround it. It got me thinking about the fact that even in 2020, where issues relating to mental health are far more understood and accepted, there is still a bit of taboo regarding counselling/those who attend counselling. Unfortunately there is still, sometimes, a slight stigma attached to it and I worry that this prevents a lot of people from seeking help they need.

So, I thought I’d share my experience. I want to make it very clear that this is based on my experience only and may not be the same for everyone. By this point in the post, it should be glaringly obvious that I have attended counselling, shock horror. It was a decision that I made for myself and let me tell you now, it has changed my life.

(Side note – I live in the United Kingdom so some details may be different in regards to how you apply, seeking appointments, etc).

Taking that first step

Before we dive into it, I’ll start by telling you how I personally found a counsellor and made an appointment. A couple of years ago my GP suggested that I would benefit from some “talking therapy” and handed me a leaflet on how to apply for counselling services through the NHS. At this point in my life I was still in complete denial about needing help so I ignored it. Jump forward to early summer of last year, with the gentle prompting of my partner and support from those close to me I decided that perhaps it would be a good idea. I figured I could give it a go and see if I found it helpful. So, I applied to the nearest NHS mental health service and was told that the waiting list was currently at 18 months. Now, if you live in the UK you are entitled to free mental health services, however depending on where you live, the waiting times can be very long due to high demand. I do know some people that have managed to be seen within a couple of weeks but as I said, it is dependant on your location.

Click here to find services in your area.

This led me to do some research into the cost of private clinics to see if this would be feasible for me, what I found is that if you can afford to pay private, you will probably find a lot more options and be seen a hell of a lot quicker with prices typically ranging from £40 – £80 per hour. However, I know that unfortunately this isn’t an option for everyone. After much deliberation I decided that realistically I could afford to pay for one session per week so I found a clinic close to my home and booked my first appointment (I think the closest appointment was for the following week) through their website.

The first appointment

Before my first appointment I was nervous as hell. I am not a very open person and talking about my emotions and feelings make me extremely uncomfortable. I approached the cosy little building hidden away on the edge of town, rang the bell and waited with trepidation. I was greeted by my therapist who introduced himself, led me into a lovely cosy room and offered me a cup of tea (very British). Instantly the room itself put me at ease, it was not the sort of cold, clinical setting you imagine when you think of therapy. It was comfy and warm, candles were lit, the lighting was soft and it felt very homely. The man selected to be my therapist was also lovely, he was calm and welcoming, infact as the sessions went on it started to feel like I was just talking to a wise friend – no judgements. The first session was more of an introduction, a chance for him to tell me about himself in terms of the services he can offer and also a chance for me to explain why I had sought counselling, what I was hoping to get from it and also to ask any questions. It was made clear that I was under no obligation to commit to anything long term and was to pay for my sessions weekly. It was my choice to go and my choice when/if I wanted to stop going.

What to expect

  • It is probably nothing like what you’re expecting.

To be honest, I’m not sure what I was expecting, I think I was stuck in the cliched mindset of being in a cold, white room recounting traumatic experiences whilst the therapist glared at me in silence whilst he frantically wrote notes on a clipboard. I could not have been more wrong. It was far more informal and casual than I was expecting. I felt comfortable.

  • You will feel weird at first, but you’ll feel 10 million times better.

The thought of sitting in a room with a stranger and telling them your intimate thoughts and feelings is quite a strange concept really. And if you’re like me and find it extremely difficult to talk about personal things then it definitely does take some getting used to. It took me a good few sessions before I felt comfortable opening up but my therapist was kind and patient and never tried to push me before I was ready. When I was finally ready, it felt incredible. It started to just come flooding out of me and I would leave each session feeling like the biggest weight had been lifted – truly cathartic.

  • You’ll start to make sense of yourself.

Therapists are like magic beings. They get you to realise things about yourself that you had never even noticed before. They have the magic ability of being able to unscramble your brain and piece it all back together in a way that makes perfect sense. Basically, what I am trying to say is they have trained for years and years in their field, they know what they’re doing and their insights allow you to understand yourself a lot better. You will find that things they say will resinate with you and you’ll start being able to unscramble your brain all by yourself. My therapist always used to say that he was simply providing me with the tools to be able to understand and help myself.

  • You might get homework.

This might not be common, I really don’t know but at the end of each session my therapist would always give me a task to complete during the week. Usually it would be some sort of little worksheet or something similar but it was helpful in helping me to organise my thoughts in preparation for the next session. For example I once had to complete a list of drinking triggers, or he once got me to draw out a timeline of significant events in my life.

  • You’ll be surpised how quickly an hour goes.

Sessions are typically an hour long and honestly it flies by. Once you start talking and it just starts spewing our naturally you won’t want to stop. That’s why it is a good idea to try to come up with just a couple of things you want to focus on per session, otherwise it is easy to go way off track. That being said, going off track isn’t necessarily a bad thing as sometimes this is just the way the discussion naturally goes.

  • It is mentally exhausting.

Talking about trauma, emotions, feelings, tough experiences, etc is surprisingly draining. It is like opening a door that you have kept sealed shut for years and suddenly everything comes tumbling out. I was prepared for it to be mentally tough at times but I never realised how genuinely tiring it was be. Due to work, I would have my appointments of an early evening and by the time I would get home I would feel fully ready to just get into bed and sleep.

To Conclude

It is not scary, it is not weird, it is not invasive. It is freeing, it is cathartic, it is mind cleansing, it is indescribably helpful. It is the best decision I ever made and I would 100% encourage anyone to give it a go and see how much it benefits you, you would be very pleasantly surprised.

 

 

6 MONTHS SOBER!

Posted on by chelseamaypage

This is probably the longest I’ve been sober since I was about 18 and to be honest, I feel like I’m killing it! My partner and I went out for dinner this weekend and I was offered a complimentary glass of wine… and I said no, let me repeat that, I SAID NO TO FREE WINE!

I feel like a whole new person and it is wonderful.

 

it’s been a while

Posted on by chelseamaypage

Since I last post I admittedly got a bit preoccupied with other things in life and as a result, writing and reflecting kind of got pushed to the back of my mind. So, here I am, with a well overdue update!

My last post was back in March, when I was celebrating 10 weeks of sobriety. About 2 weeks later I relapsed and things got worse before getting better. Back in April I was asked out on a date, the first date I’d been on in a long time. I was extremely excited but also overwhelmed with nervousness so I caved in and drank when we met at a bar – one glass of wine to calm my nerves quickly turned into a bottle and that was it, sobriety ruined. In that respect the date was not the greatest due to the fact that I ruined all of the hard work I’d put in, and I was doing so well. But in another respect, it was the greatest date ever as we have been together ever since and without him, I probably wouldn’t have got back on the sober wagon.

From then on I would have a gin and lemonade when we went out for dinner, or enjoy a glass of wine while we cuddled up on the sofa after work. But as all alcoholics know, drinking habits spiral out of control very quickly – I was heading towards a downward spiral – I could see it, and he could see it. So he asked me to get help and promised to support me the whole way, and with that, I agreed to go to counselling. I’d always been resistant to counselling for two reasons; 1. it would mean actually admitting the extent of my problem, and 2. I’m not very open when it comes to discussing personal matters. To be honest I should have gone years ago because it has been incredibly helpful, I don’t know what I was afraid of but just spending an hour a week talking honestly with someone is so therapeutic and has really helped me get in touch with some of the things that are going on in my brain.

So I am now just over 6 weeks sober and feeling really good about it. My partner has decided to go sober as well, he wasn’t much of a big drinker anyway but I feel he’s doing it to be supportive and to be honest it is nice to not be doing it on my own. We went out to a bar to celebrate a friends birthday the other day and the idea of having an alcoholic drink didn’t even cross my mind, partly because he wasn’t drinking either so I didn’t feel out of place sipping on a coke on my own. The support he has given me has been nothing but wonderful.

I also have a new job, a step up in my career which has given me that added motivation and drive. I am enjoying it and it is keeping me busy whilst I can focus on continuing to climb the ladder towards managing my own store.

Me and my partner have also begun the process of applying for a mortgage and are looking to relocate to the coast. To me it feels like it’s the start of a new life for me (well, us) and it can’t come quick enough.

So things are great. I wish I could say that I never relapsed and have been sober since my last post but it does go to show that as horrible as it is to feel like you’ve failed and let yourself and others down – you can pull it back, get back on the road to sobriety and make things even better and more wonderful than you thought possible!

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10 weeks sober!

Posted on by chelseamaypage

70 days of sobriety, the longest I have ever done!

I am feeling less anxious, my sleeping habits have gotten a hell of a lot better, my skin is better, my hair is healthier, my appetite is most definitely back and most importantly I am feeling much more confident in my ability to not pick up a bottle of alcohol and pour it down my neck.

It is starting to click in my head that I don’t need to turn to booze, I have no reason to. I don’t need to celebrate with a glass of champagne when I’m happy. I don’t need to indulge in a bottle of wine in order to unwind. I don’t need to gulp vodka straight from the bottle when I’m sad. I don’t need a glass of rose in my hand if I want to socialise. I don’t need a neck a glass of wine if I want to feel more confident or calm my nerves.

There are plenty of things I can do instead, none of which involve alcohol. There are a million ways to celebrate without alcohol. I can read a book when I want to unwind, or curl up in front of a good box set, or meditate. I can talk to people when I’m sad who can allow me to vent, I can cry and it’s okay, I’ve quickly realised that it is a lot easier to deal with feeling sad when you’re not irrationally drunk. I can socialise perfectly well without a glass of wine in hand, I can sip on lemonade instead and I can actually probably socialise a lot better as I am much better at maintaining conversations when sober. Finally, I certainly don’t need dutch courage to calm my nerves, whilst alcohol certainly does help you feel less inhibited, it is false confidence. Each day I spend sober is a day where I am learning to be truly confident in who I am. I can’t just down a bottle of wine and then look at myself through rose tinted glasses for the rest of my life.

Now on to the next target… 100 days!

66 days – forming a new habit

Posted on by chelseamaypage

The app I have been using to track my sobriety has a feature which notifies you of milestones – 1 month, 50 days, 6 weeks, etc. My next upcoming milestone according to the app is the 10 week mark which I will reach in 4 days. However at 66 days sober I am accutely aware that today is an important day. Not reaching is becoming my new normal.

According to several studies (I was going to link some but you can just google it just as easy) it takes on average 66 days to form a new habit. What is meant by that is that the new habit begins to become much more automatic as the brain establishes the behaviour into a routine. Some studies have argued that if substances such as drugs and alcohol have been involved then this can take longer as the withdrawal period can cause delays in habit forming. But putting that aside, 66 is generally the magic number.

I am in no way saying that it is all plain sailing from now on, I know I still have a long way to go before I feel truly solid and strong in my ability to abstain for alcohol, but my brain is beginning to see sobriety as the new normal for me. Whereas before my brain was so conditioned into picking up a bottle of booze that I probably could have done it in my sleep, it is now being reconditioned to not even consider that as an option. The old, disheveled brain pathway of drinking my life away is slowly starting to disappear and in it’s place a lovely new sober pathway is forming. I will be sure to look after this pathway to keep it strong. I am so glad that I no longer associate normality with alcohol.

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